the path of least resistance
first and probably last time using a chatbot to answer my life questions
me: whats the word if i always seem to fall into things? for example jobs, schools, people?
chatgpt: The word that might describe someone who always seems to fall into things, such as jobs, schools, and relationships, is "serendipitous." Serendipity refers to the occurrence of fortunate events by chance, and someone who experiences serendipity frequently might be seen as someone who effortlessly stumbles into positive opportunities or situations.
serendipity. thats the word. i think that throughout my life, most of the events that have conspired have been through a carefully constructed sequence of why nots, pure coincidences, and thoughtless decisions. almost as if i have no free will, i tend to let life's events guide me.
i take a very passive role in my life, i dont do much. i dont search for oppourtunities, i dont have this big life goal, i dont even think i have my life together, but i think that life will always take me in the directions that teach me more about myself. when my friends ask me what i have planned for my life, i say i want to own a cafe or live in a village or both. i envision both those things as very simple existences. existences i can build meaning out of simply and without having to aim for a greater purpose. putting in heavy work to achieve some grand goal only puts further pressure on someone to succeed. what is the point of working so hard for a goal if it might fail and i end up disappointed in myself? cant i can just let things happen to me and turn them into something i enjoy?
the past three years in my degree and the school i chose have been fairly thoughtless choices when i look back at it. i wasent very good at math back in high school, i only really started figuring it out in my final year when i had to start applying to universities. it was something i did decently well at, and my parents wanted me to stay at home, so i chose the simplest and closest university to go to at the time. i got my admission letter a month later, accepted the offer 5 minutes after checking the portal, and told my parents.
turns out math isnt that bad. when i tell my relatives and strangers that i study math, people think it must have been something i chose since birth, as if a red carpet and gold plated carriage let me to my degree. i just like math. its simple and logical. it doesn't require some heavy thinking, just a series of statements combined with logical quantifiers. i do well in my degree, but i dont think its a correct to say im passionate about it. if i dont do it, what else do i have to do? what else?
jobs are something ive fallen into as well. i like my job though, its not too bad. its like math sometimes. even though people will tell you data science work is very abstract, it actually follows a very subtle logical format; you learn the project background, build a pipeline, train your model, and report. the process is pretty much the same in every project, the train of thought that is easy to abuse.
my last internship was spawned out of a rogue application i sent on a whim. i didnt put much though into it. i was bored one day and just sent some applications out. my first proper interview, i did well, i got the call with my offer, and i accepted it the next day. i dont necessarily have a big career goal either. i dont think that dreaming of a career is a healthy way to spend my 20s. so why wouldnt i have accepted the offer? if not this job, then what else?
of course in good, there is also bad. i think sometimes about what life would have been if i said no to the opportunities that came my way. what kind of person could i have been if i didnt go to this university? buy those pair of shoes? or accept this job? its a cycle i find myself getting pulled into sometimes. i dont like to dwell on what could have been, but i imagine there is probably a me somewhere out there that is asking the same question. maybe its human nature to worry about the what-ifs? maybe thats why we work so hard to aim for these grand goals we set for ourselves, even if these goals hurt us in the process?