the horse
i've always thought that i'd be saved one day. something like in the movies where the protagonist falls in love and proceeds to live happily, or, i'd come to some big conclusion or persuasion about my life and follow that to the grave, or maybe i'd even win the lottery (though i doubt so much money would give me any huge satisfaction). it feels like every day i keep waiting for some form of salvation, something to lift me out of this unstimulating existence i've dug myself into. it's funny at times, i've knocked down most of these pillars of becoming an "adult", yet i feel like shit and don't even feel grown to consider myself an adult. all do is keep hoping for something, someone, anyone... to snatch me away and tell me it'll be alright. it'll eventually happen... right?
there's been times in my life where i've been hit with this feeling of being unstimulated, of being domesticated, of having settled, but in those times i've always had some horse in the horizon that would be galloping towards me, kick me out of the rut. maybe i put too much faith in the world. for all its cruelty towards me i keep coming back to ask the sky for a reason to hold out a bit longer. hopefully my horse comes back soon.