something something insecurity
i think people, no matter how old, knowledgeable, or strong, can be deeply sensitive and insecure beings at times.
part of it probably comes from our genetic upbringing, i mean, all of our lives are direct consequences of this long chain of human relationships. for a long time, it was required to act in a certain way, hunt certain animals and so on, to survive. as our society sort of grew, and especially with the advent of writing, we became more privy to these social norms so to speak. and with that, alot of our previous needs for physical safety and satiety died while our need for psychological safety took precedence. there are probably a few reasons why this is. im not a psychologist but ill give my leading thoughts.
our collectivist human nature requires that we belong, regardless of what we will ourselves to. we are required to think about others and how best to fit within our collectives. i think that one is probably on maslow's hierarchy. or atleast it should be. im not saying that everyone needs a million friends. rather, i think we need all need a bit of community in our lives.
for some, they need a large circle of maybe weaker relationships (some people fufill certain roles? ) to fufill this need. on the other hand, some people (partially including myself) require a smaller collective filled with more intense relationships. i picture it as sort of a density chart. people have a certain quantity of belonging they need. and choose the number of people they fufill it with. you can have these very sparse, very dense, or in between collectives that satiate your need to belong.
now onto my crux. i concur that insecurity largely is dictated by whether a persons need for belonging is satisfied. we can characterize insecurity essentially by that exact feeling that you dont belong, with insecurities being what we believe makes us defective to forming/being part of a collective. its a hard cycle to break honestly. and insecurity doesnt even need to necessarily be about not having relationships to draw from. rather, it is probably the most logical or easy way to derive a sense of belonging in ones life.
i find that when we feel insecure, we often end up engaging in bad habits. we often end up reaching for things that serve us no purpose, like substances, media, etc. we might decide to isolate and avoid others, practically blue balling ourselves for no reason. on the other hand we might cling on to the first person that slightly fill our meter and we end up codependent to them. relationships with insecure people are hard to maintain man, they require alot of work from both ends.
its an odd feeling, one that can lead to a pretty slippery slope, but one i think everyone has gone through at one point. it builds your lore :p. getting over this feeling of insecurity, and maybe learning to deal with it has been one of the bigger challenges i have had to face, but ultimately i think i came out the other end a less insecurity prone person (no shit) but also less serious about my feelings.
personally, i mean theres been times in my life where i have felt insecure, i have probably nitpicked everything about myself at this point, and i realize now that i did this because i thought these traits about myself were what was leading me to not belonging within my communities. fast forward after all the lore, i now realize that things are never that serious. just because i feel this specific feeling one day does not mean i have to feel it for the rest of my life. i still do experience these feelings from time to time, but i try my hardest to not ruminate on them. i dont want to call it a stoic ideology but more so, my thoughts come in the form of: "i feel this way, i dont like it, so i should do something about it...".
even though i consider myself a fairly introverted person, when i do feel insecure and feel that i dont belong, ill try to make the effort to hang out with someone, or wear something really dumb and baggy and go in public, or go on a walk to the second cup. whatever it may be, these kind of things are objectively very simple, but they foster that sense of belonging in me. they make me feel that im okay the way i am, that my own head makes things tougher than they have to be.
you might be asking yourself "okay what if i dont have any friends? what if i literally have nobody". trust me, there are always going to be people willing to build a relationship with you, or atleast give it a chance. you can't immediately expect your need for belonging to be fufilled, but you can gradually pour some into your cup each day. you also need to fill others' cups too, we aren't alone, we are naturally social creatures.
it all just requires work. maybe you see someone in class that looks cool, you sit next to them, say hi, make small but awkward talk. and you do that each day until you build a rapport with that person. maybe the person you decide to talk to also feels that way. everything in life goes both ways, if you do something good (even unintentionally), it should eventually come back to you.
i think the main thing lesson id want to say is that: you can let these feelings exist, but you need to be able to resolve them in a sensible way rather than fall into the spiral of insecurity. remember to not let the feeling of your empty cup overtake you.
anyways i dont know where all of this was supposed to go. i wanted to write about idols and it evolved into this while i was sitting in the park.