small white lies
reading back on my last post i realize i forgot to give the highlight of the last week. i got a concussion. maybe that's why i've been more inclined to write again... regardless, it happened on saturday while i was out on a day trip to ski with my dad. i haven't skied in over a year, but i felt pretty comfortable going my regular speed down the subjectively easy slopes at this mountain. the second run after our midday break, i'm going a bit too fast and catch my left ski while turning, launching me forward and landing on my head and right shoulder. to be honest, i just remember tipping over and waking up on the ground. (edit as per tiramisu's suggestion: let it be known i wore a helmet)
my dad was thankfully right behind me and flagged down one of those hill medics. i was able to get up and talk normally but i remember my head feeling flushed and the sense of nausea boiling. i was okay (and self conscious) enough to avoid needing to be sent down in a gurney. anyways, we ended up cutting the day short, getting refunds for our tickets and coming back to the city to be seen in the emergency room (life hack for ontario emergency room patients, say you have a head injury and you'll spend almost no time waiting). the ride back was pretty much me either throwing up or holding back from throwing up on each bump along the highway. shit experience but i lived. since then, the nausea has died down but the headache and feeling of flushness in my head still persists. the first two days i couldn't function without a heavy dose of metamizole.
probably the funniest thing about all of this was me wondering how i was going to go into work on tuesday. i'm kicking myself in the foot over this, but the last thing i wanted to do was message my manager and tell her i was too sick to work. maybe its just me, but having the ability to stay at home at work just makes me feel pressured to never take sick days. i distinctly remember falling terribly ill back in november two years ago and feeling guilty for telling my manager at the time i was too sick to work, even though i couldn't get out of bed without fainting. it's more of a me issue, i tend to get horribly nervous at the thought of inconveniencing others. the feeling gets even worse when its regarding something i'm getting paid to do.
i did end up telling my manager on wednesday what happened when she asked me what i did over the long weekend. of course, i did tell a small white lie about the extent of how much i had been pained. i can't come off weak, especially in the first month at my job, right? by that time though, i was already coming down with a pretty bad cold, so i think i might have made her feel more pity for me, which i hate. out of all the things i can control in my life, i hate being perceived as weak, being pitied and being an inconvenience, i'm sure that could be traced back to moments in my lore, but alas, that's not something i want to explore.
one thing that this did teach me though is that i'm pretty good at making an exit. when my dad asked me if i wanted to keep skiing, i threw up on the bed in the medics office. when i went to watch my friends skate on tuesday and i got asked if i wanted to head out for food after, i hit them with a little 'no, im tired, bye' and left. my workday on wednesday ended with me holding a huge bubble of snot back while saying bye to my manager.
anyways i plan to do a bit more resting this weekend. i feel like i've decongested my thoughts over these past few days through these last three posts. i don't think my parents will let me do any more sports without a helmet. i hope you also enjoyed the music while reading this though. it comes from a series i watched as a emo seventeen year old called monogatari. in hindsight i dont like it that much anymore, not a big fan of anime anymore, but the osts are just amazing. this one specifically is the last day of my adolescence from hanamonagatari. it's fun being able to add some ambient/interesting music to the mix for each post, even if it's not directly related. bye bye now.