rose colored glasses over the timer
travelling alone is always a bit weird. ive gotten fairly accustomed to it now, but i feel like theres always a point in the trip, maybe in the last quarter of the trip where you're really just pining to be done with it, ive hit that point.
im missing alot of things. im missing my family most of all. coming downstairs from my room in the mornings and being able to kiss my parents, or see my sisters off to school, or violently attack (pet) my cats. i wake up on a bed in a shared room and rot for half an hour until i come to my senses, then i tip toe to the washroom to have a shower in an uncomfortably tight basin, brush my teeth, change into the same jacket and jeans i've been wearing for weeks and leave the place im staying at.ive met wonderful people, but im not home, and these arent my people.
kayla recently noted some advice i have given her via discord that could probably be broadly applied to these experiences ive had. ill let you read up on her lore, i love her but this is my space, so in short, it was a small comment on her one week boyfriend adcenture and love on a shortened timeline.
ive really enjoyed meeting people i wouldve normally have not met, and ive been incredibly grateful to have shared very cool experiences, but all these relationships come with a bit of a timer to them. as much as i want to put rose colored glasses over this timer, the hands will keep moving. everyone is off on their own little journeys with their own little timelines, and when time comes to part, its a bit bittersweet.
im not sad about it, but the impermanance of these relationships has really irked with my head. ive always regarded myself as someone who takes time building a friendship, but now that we are in a situation where most of us are alone and forced to make these bonds to fill this social need, i get sad seperating from these people.
i didnt really expect i would feel this way. to be quite honest i was expecting a very quiet trip where i'd be cafe hopping all day like i did in vienna and prague, but it turned out to be almost the opposite of that. ive been going out at times, getting food with people in the hostels i stay at, having fun kareoke nights and indulging in the occasional cigarette and late night gossip with roomies, overall it was a different experience that i found myself gradually welcoming. maybe i am not so much of an introvert as i used to be... it's a bit scary to be realizing.
my timer in porto has begun ringing (infact, i am writing this on the train). while packing up i found a note left by one of my roomates, margot. i often dote upon the impact i leave in others' lives, so her gesture was a nice reminder that i do, once again, exist. we had had shared a good few meals, drank a decent bit together and debated her uncanny resemblance to maggie from the walking dead. i wont be hopeful that our paths will cross again cause it would bring me pain to imagine so, but i truely wish her the best.
anyways there are a few more people i would like to talk about, but i think i will save it for another day. bisous to you all.