microsoft teams trauma
i normally keep the microsoft teams/outlook installed during work hours, so that for the twenty minutes i spend daily in the office's bougie floor-to-ceiling washroom stall, i'm not in the blue as to what's happening in the outside world. realistically, nobody cares about my pooping habits, but i do. god forbid the last thing i need is for my manager, who lives across the country mind you, to see an orange-yellow circle in my teams profile. once i leave the office, i delete the apps and don't think about work, but something about sunday brings an impending sense of doom that i can't go blind into. i have a bad habit of re-installing microsoft apps on sunday nights. a lack of preparation for what's was ahead has caused the collapse of civilizations, i still need to know what monday entails.
thirty minutes before midnight last night, my regular bedtime, i decided to bite the forbidden fruit and re-install a blue little mailbox app to check my emails. an email from my manager's manager at eleven eleven at night... was this a sign that i should just quit and leave it all behind? hes french canadian (the worst type of anything french-related), and for some reason has never managed to say my name correctly or spell it correctly in emails. for a guy so intelligent, it feels like he omits the s at the end of my already shortened name in an attempt to belittle me. despite all this, we work in the same office, he sends me "appreciation" points from time to time for the work that i do, we often are left sitting together for monday lunchtime, but i don't care all that much for him. as much as people will say that work is no place to socialize, i still find that a big factor in what makes work tolerable is the people around you. he makes work less tolerable. the email, while harmless in all aspects, just a simple request on top of another request that is outside my job scope, has lit up the contempt for my job i had a few months ago.
cycles like these are pretty frequent with me. i settle into one place, start to get restless, find a reason to spite, then either move onto the next thing or let the flames settle. knowing i'll be moving to an entirely different department in two months is helping calm me down, but i worry that my coworkers can sense how clocked out i've become. i still do the work and do it well, but where i used to be able to work pretty quickly, i've started scheduling my tasks throughout the week, coming in on the later morning streetcar, reading bearblog during my off time. when you're young, it's easy to bring all this energy to a new job and burn yourself out, i think i've only now started coming down from that feeling. the work itself is stimulating, really, and i can focus for most of the day, but what i value most is the money and the freedom i have outside of work to pursue a life that i enjoy, all i want is to have that freedom, really, anything else is meaningless.