life is fragile
today was a disheartening day. i cant really put it into words. my morning walk shot down by a dead squirrel i narrowly avoided stepping on through my walk to the lecture hall. on the way back, i covered the side of the street i saw it on to avoid reliving the experience. on my walk out from the office, i saw a teenager, probably no older than 17 get into a minor collision hit by a car. he was thankfully alive and okay,
the past year or so of my life has been hazed by the phenomena every living thing must experience one day, death. i find it tough to talk about in general. its a topic i avoid talking when im around anyone, let alone write about it. it feels like every time i come to talk about it with someone, the mucus in my throat turns to cement and i cant breathe. its ironic in a sense, the thing i had hoped would happen to me sooner rather than later, became the one thing i cant bear to bring to my tongue.
i dont want this to be some kind of vent blog post. because it isnt, thats cringe, and my blog shouldnt be overrun by this. after the day ive had, ive realized how precious but fragile our lives are; how fundamentally crucial it is that we make the most out of these infintessimally small timelines we have. its an overused and cliche opinion, but one that i think everyone needs to come to the conclusion to sooner rather than later. if theres one thing i learnt this year, it was that.
my mom tells me she wants her funeral to be festive. to have good food and her favorite music playing. she was born and bred in the era of heavy metal, so for her, its a way of life that she intends to continue on with even past her time. i admire her for this quiet honestly. this year has taught me alot about her. after all the losses shes experienced, shes has come to embody this opinion that i only truely felt today. i hope to be able to live like her one day, in all my qualms with her, i really hope i am able to.