fruits off the grapevine
ive been making the effort to go out more recently. seeing more people and talking more has done me good, and now that ive been less busy, ive been able to make more time for it. at times, i feel like i shot myself in the foot as a kid for not going out as often as i couldve. its feels as though i wasted this time by staying home. ive been enjoying having a reason to do a little dress up, shave my face, and get out of the house for a few hours. unironically just being a normal functioning person, it excites me nonetheless. my myers-briggs type has been intp-t since i first did it in middle school, but if life solely consisted of these little excursions to see the people i like, id be happier than ever.
its such an odd feeling being able to go out as an adult with people now and not worry about being awkward. i always worried that id make some sort of weird metaphor or bad joke and turn the atmosphere sour. maybe i forced myself into that box of being attributed as shy. nowadays, i think back to that one meme with the text that goes "i am cringe but i am free". things in life are never this serious and if the atmosphere does god forbid, become awkward, i know it speaks more to the character of the other party than my own
i largely attribute my enjoyment of going out to having a different social circle than what i had as a teenager. i have friends who really like to talk, and its easy to match their energy, even when im fairly exhausted they still somehow motivate me to talk. i also have friends who are very quiet, not for any particular reason, they are just like that. with them it feels like i have to do some heavy lifting at times, but ive also realized that there is only so much i can do. ive known them long enough to acknowledge that sometimes its fine if we go quiet, and ive started enjoying the silent moments with them.
all in all, i think going out is only good when its with good people. too many people go out for the sake of going out, to take some instagram pictures, or maintain a shallow social circle, or whatever. i went to a small show last night and i distinctly recall a group of 6 people coming in together, not speaking a single word to each other, and filming each and every song. i dont get it. i struggle to understand that mindset at times. at that point id rather just go alone.
at least for me personally, having a good community around me is what keeps me content with life. getting to go somewhere with my friends or experience something together is what makes it all worth it, rather that the destinations or the experiences themselves.