flipping the coin in my sleeve
a one dollar coin sits in the pocket of my trench coat as i go about my walks. its not even december and my knuckles have dried up from the arid weather recently. with my right hand and sleeve inside my pocket, i flip the coin with my pinky and ring, miraculously sending it flying into my sleeve. its cold enough that i can feel it go up my forearm, then down again. i dont check the results of the coin flip, i dont really care for it. i care that the coin wont fall out, ive contained it.
life has been a lot of coin flips recently. i find myself being unsure about doing things as simple as stopping for gas station coffee on my way to work, or walking on the side of the street to look into the window of the cafe my childhood friend works at, or taking bus when its bad weather. i feel almost paralyzed by the amount of over analysis i perform over the most mundane decisions. i want to say that it probably has to do with my tendency to overthink, but that is a blog post for another day.
to alleviate this, i have two approaches ive started adopting: i either (a) leave things to chance (coinflip!!!) or (b) decide to do it the second i get a feeling i want to. the first kind of takes all the power away from me, and for small mundane things, like deciding to get a treat on the way back home; its been sort of fun to gamble on this. if i lose, ill get a bit sad, but it ends up as practice for self restraint. my watch has this cool little coin flip random number generator function, so its been fun making use of that. the other approach has mainly been me just being impulsive. its been an odd experience, and i want to emphasize that you should probably not be impulsive with significant life decisions, only small things. small things as in skipping work early, calling someone for no reason, singing on the streetcar. as long as these small things bring you happiness, or at least a lesson to be learnt, i dont think its a bad idea to do them without thinking.