eastern european sky
its come to november now. the sky is littered with clouds i can only describe as gloomy. something about them is just screaming eastern europe. i dont harbor any hate to my point of origin but it is very ironic that these clouds remind me of home. its as if a sort of melancholic overcast has enveloped all of toronto. sunlight becomes this odd fluorescent but less intense office lighting and the air feels oddly moist to walk through. ironically, i am in my natural habitat when im in this weather.
the weather combined with waking up to my cluttered room resulted in the worst headache this morning. i normally pop a half a metamizol after work to not feel as cramped when entering the subway on my way home, and today i felt the same need. my weighted blanket felt perfectly fitted to me, the last thing i wanted to do was leave my bed. i eventually got out, popped a full metamizol and downed a cup of ice water. if i was back home id probably be sitting on the porch with a turkish coffee and my grandma right next to me smoking a pall mall.
i cleaned my room today. i wrote about this in a post last month where i explained that i felt like i owned too much shit and felt trapped in my room. it was an experience to say the least. the last time i cleaned my room in any sort of capacity was back in april. its embarrassing to admit, but i simply did not have the will to get started with it. its the same story with my drivers license, i keep telling my dad ill book the test, but i keep putting it off, my license expires in january... for some reason, the morning headache pushed me to clear out all the shit in my room.
this is my haul. i feel like an zoologist discovering the remains of a long extinct species. take into account my room is small, so a majority of these things were things i had stashed under my bed in storage boxes. a box of vinyls i had planned to put up on my wall that were sitting under my bed. my departments old merch from before my university had renamed. a bag full of crushed cartons. a whole seventy five litre bag of clothes from a few years ago that i had been knowingly saving just incase i might need them one day. not to mention all the dust i had kicked up made me pull out the masks i bought during the pandemic. the clothes i plan to donate, and the vinyls i plan to stash in my closet until i find the will to hang them up, the rest was trashed.
i dont necessarily feel ashamed to say that it got this bad. it was a consequence i was aware would happen. im happy that im finally out of this swamp of things to do, and that instead of sitting and lazing around all of today i managed to clean up a bit. it certainly makes a difference. tomorrow i plan to clean up my desk and reorganize some of my cables. i also want to see if i can find a more optimal position for my air filter or look around for a fan/filter unit. i currently own a fan, an air filter, and keep my windows open all time since i cant live with stale air, but i find my room still accumulates dust (at a lesser rate than when i lived without an air filter). there exist studies that link fine dust inhalation with symptoms of depression and anxiety, so i want to see what i can do to to reduce the dust in my room. even if its a placebo i think it would do good in my life regardless.
anyways thats all i wanted to say. i am currently sitting in a cafe writing all of this, i plan to spend another hour sitting and getting some research work done.