a little red cardinal
walking through my neighborhood this afternoon i saw my first red cardinal in a while. last time i saw one would've had to be a year ago along the same route. they always seem to come around the end of winter. ten out of ten bird, cute and fluffy. a solid improvement to it's cousin the blue jay. my favorite memento of my childhood would've had to have been webkinz and my cardinal plush. i used to rep it everywhere. i had the treetop room theme, pimped out beds and chairs, and used to frequent the curio shop constantly. the time of flash games is now dead but lord do i miss it. my grandma used to take care of my account while i was in elementary school and i remember giving her tasks to do while i was gone for the day. everytime i see her we joke on the fact that a woman who knew zero english used to login to her grandson's game account to take care of his virtual animals.
as i've said before, its been almost a month since i started my big boy job. i'll be honest and say it isn't what i made it out to be. in my head, i know there are only six months left on this team, ill survive. it feels like i was bait and switched slightly. i expected more modelling work, but feels like i've been hit on the head with a mix of data analysis and engineering work since my manager doesn't know how to use me. i feel like im introducing fire to cavemen... whatever though, by the time september comes ill be rotating into a new team. the least i can do right now is just learn. i try not get to incorporated into work, being part time helps.
apart from work, my thesis stuff is going well. i got a tex environment setup on my laptop, so i've been writing. i don't think i'm very good at writing, let alone academic writing. it's a bit boring to be fair. putting all of my hard work into fifteen pages feels like a bit of an insult, but the closure is going to be nice. in general, this last semester of school feels like the last chapter of a book, and now i've been left to clean up the loose ends.
being single again has been nice too. i've came to the realization recently that i might be a bit hyper independent. at times, introducing new people, especially romantic interests, into my life feels like more hassle than its worth. i won't sit here and moan about the ex man, it just simply got to be too much. the underlying need in the relationship to constantly communicate left me unhappy. not to mention having to worry about all of this when i was on my vacation. a relationship, romantic or not, isn't meant to feel that way. maybe i have the tendency to blow up all my relationships through my burning need for independence. when i meet people who do require codependency, they crumble. when i meet people even more independent then me, i crumble. the thought of dating now leaves a bit of a sour taste in my mouth. however i do think i'm at a point right now where i'm pretty happy with myself and who i am. maybe my satisfaction in being single is a reflection of the satisfaction in myself.
anyways, that's my recent life update. much love to you all. i hope you all have been enjoying the small gradual changes to the blog. i haven't been writing as much recently, but i find myself reading old posts often or logging in just to make a small change to the style sheet. this used to be a premade theme, but i feel like i've made it my own. sending love <3